I am a female, I am sometimes an unhealthy level of competitive and I am envious of A LOT of people, but jealous — I try not to be too jealous.
What is the difference between envy and jealousy?
Envy is the longing for what someone else has, without disdain or ill intent towards that person. It’s not great really, to be envious of others, but it’s better than jealousy #amIright. Jealousy is an apprehensive or vengeful fear of being replaced, it can make you act a fool and it’s a waste of damn time.
We’ve all been there at one point or another, in sport, in the workplace and especially if you’re a female. I am constantly envious of other women: their bodies, their clothes, their athleticism, their metabolism that allows them to eat Cookie Crisp before bed and retain abs. Crossfit is the worst for fueling my envious nature, like no other sport or activity I have ever been a part of. Maybe it’s because I have never been so terrible at something before, which fuels my envy of others, or maybe it’s the competitive nature of a sport that so directly measures our performance against others.
It’s hard to measure performance as closely in team sports because everyone contributes. Your successes are a team effort and so are your failures. I think this is why I have always preferred team sports; less pressure, more camaraderie and my competitive nature is directed at the opposing team and not at my training partners.
That being said, there is a lot to learn about oneself when faced with the adversity of watching people crush you day in and day out. So how do we move through this world of endless struggles, self-comparison and envy, to one where we focus on our accomplishments instead of our inadequacies.
I have paraphrased a few tips from some of the worlds best athletes, business people and celebrities because, lets be serious, I am as hard on myself as anyone and I am in no way qualified to give out advice on this topic! This post is as much for me as it is for anyone else who can relate to these feelings.
A rising tide lifts all boats – You can be the tide that lifts those around you. A positive attitude, a smile, or something as simple as cheering on a teammate can change a competitive and possibly negative atmosphere into a positive one. When you improve, you give others room to grow and inspire others to strive for greatness. You don’t have to sink others to rise to the top~
Performance does not dictate your self worth – We are much greater than our sport, our job, or our performance; these things do not define us. After retiring from basketball I felt lost, I had always been a ‘basketball player’, what was I now? Once I realized that being a basketball player was just what I did, and not who I was, I felt enlightened. Our self worth is not dictated by how we perform but from the lessons we learn from our experiences, how we respond to adversity, how well we treat others and what we do with our knowledge.
There is room for more than one person to be great – Be prepared to share the spotlight, there is always room for more than one person at the top. How many amazing athletes are there…lots, amazing coaches…lots, successful business people….lots. I constantly remind myself to have an abundance mindset instead of one of scarcity. There is plenty of room for everyone at the top, there is only one YOU and that’s what makes YOU different. Don’t strive to be someone your not and don’t step on others in your pursuit because “nobody’s life is made worse by anybody else succeeding.”
Time spent worrying about other people is time wasted not focusing on yourself – You are the hero of your story, so write the book accordingly. Don’t worry about what other people are doing, you can’t control them. Focus on what you can control and as long as you have done everything in your power to be as good as you can be, that’s all you can ask of yourself.
If you are happy for the success of those around you, you will rise to the top among those shining stars – Be happy for those around you, its contagious. Success breeds success, by sharing in others joy you will in turn reap the benefits. #behappy
Don’t be jealous, be friends – Become besties with those you look up to. Instead of antagonizing or envying those who are more successful than you, make friends with them, learn from them, find out what makes them successful and soak it all in. You will be better for it and you will gain a new mentor and friend in the process.
It’s the little things – Focus on the small victories and reflect on how far you have come. Sometimes it’s hard to do this…I am TERRIBLE about it. We are always looking at the future, where we want to be, and focusing on our shortcomings. One day, one skill, one workout at a time you are getting stronger, faster and better than yesterday.
In the word’s of Lena Dunham, “make a fatty to do list and hit that shit hard.” – Focus on what you want to accomplish, set your goals and start working towards them.
And always remember…..
No one is perfect, besides maybe Kim Kardashian – As I finish off this post I want to include one of my fave quotes from one of my fave humans, Tina Fay.
“I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”