Lifestyle, Humour, Health & Mindset

So You Think You Joined A Cult

It has become apparent in my life that Crossfit has started to take a more significant role. It has also become apparent that many of the people in my life don’t understand why a workout regimen would take up so much of my time and why I enjoy hobbling around like an 80 year old with such enthusiasm. The fact of the matter is, I think I accidentally joined a cult.


Now… I have played sports my entire life, spent a few years as a gym rat, runner and general fitness enthusiast. Never before though have I been a part of a group that has banded together to identify themselves so aggressively.

Pre-Crossfit, if I was in an airport, rockin’ some bball shorts and Nike socks I might get questioned “do you play basketball”, “yes” I would reply, and that would  be the end of the conversation. But now, if I somehow get identified as a (recreational) Crossfitter, game over. It’s all…are you doing the Open? How much do you C&J? What’s your Fran time? etc.

My fiancé doesn’t do Crossfit despite my constant attempts to convert him. My parents don’t understand how I can enjoy something that sounds so terrifying and painful. My co-workers don’t understand where I find an extra 2+ hours a day to hit the gym and my friends (outside of Crossfit) are resigned to the fact that when they ask me to do something social, I will probably be at Crossfit.


So, how can you identify if you have indeed become a part of this cult –

 1. You ‘liked’ your affiliates Facebook page – Step 1. ‘Like’ Facebook page, Step 2. Befriend fellow Cross-fitters, Step 3. Make WOD references and snatch related comments on each others walls, Step 4. Have new besties

2. You purchased clothing because – Despite knowing absolutely nothing about the Reebok Nano you purchased yourself a nifty pair. Everyone else was doing it, so they must be da bomb. You also subsequently drained your bank account buying Lulu crops, booty shorts and racer back tanks.

3. You want to be a fucking monster – No longer are you as concerned with having beach muscles as you once were, #GTL no more. Now it’s all about those squatz and dat ass. But subsequently, your body probably looks pretty good at the beach.

4. You have taken an interest in the Paleo diet – You have always fucking loved cheese, but now, you don’t eat cheese.

5. You find yourself wishing for tiny limbs – You once wished to be a tall gazelle like human, but now, you wish to have short limbs and a tiny range of motion. You are literally jealous of people that are 5’1″. Until a wall ball workout appears, and then, for that brief moment, you are thankful for your limb length.

6. You like to watch people exercise – You don’t even watch TV anymore because you are too busy streaming videos of people exercising. You will literally pay money to sit in the stands and watch people perform exercise. You spent 5 hours of your life watching ‘behind the scenes’ footage of professional exercisers.

7. Your insta feed is all Crossfit all the time – Every second photo or video in your insta feed is of a Crossfit athlete because you follow ALL OF THEM.

8. All your friends are Crossfit friends – You struggle to interact with regular humans because they don’t understand your problems. “So…I don’t get it, a workout is released every week for 5 weeks, don’t you workout everyday, why is this stressful?” “Your thighs are too big for regular pants…you hide your weight well, it’s hard to tell how HUGE you are.”

Parties are Crossfit parties, snacks are ‘Paleo’ and when you get drunk you insist that you are now proficient in hs walking. (You also understand what that abreve stood for).

9.You learned a new language –  You speak in acronyms and understand a language that most people would associate with pharmaceutical references. Canada has a second language but f-that, you now speak Crossfit and that is the ONLY language you need to know.

10. You pick vacation destinations based on accessibility to Crossfit – As much as you love to vacation, the idea of a week or two sans Crossfit is too much to take. You now secretly plan your vacations around access to a gym. #Hawaiiisstacked

So, if you have positively identified with the above, than you have indeed unknowingly joined a cult. The good news is, this cult has made you stronger, healthier, more confident (sometimes), and definitively more awesome. With this small sect you are now a part of, you have gained a group of people who share with you the same interests, drive, passion, and who also share in your highs and lows both inside and outside the gym. You have gained friendships, faced hard ships, accomplished things you didn’t think you could and probably almost cried once or twice. But, I guess these are all the things that signify being part of a cult 😉
At the end of the day though, make sure to spend time with other people in your life, find other passions, and take a week off because, it’s just exercise and it doesn’t define you as a human being.







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6 thoughts on “So You Think You Joined A Cult”

  • You forgot to add, “You post pictures of your bloody shins and ripped up hands like it’s no big deal.” I do get a pretty good chuckle listening to guys talking about how great their snatch is though…

    I’ve only tried/done Crossfit once a few years back before it became “cool” and while I did enjoy it, I just couldn’t justify the steep price tag that was associated with the box membership. (That’s what it’s called, right? A box?)

    • Good point Kara, I had the ripped hand thing in there…but I wasn’t sure that was a cult membership signifier or just a thing some of us do 😉

      Yes to box…although I refuse to refer to is as such.

  • This is the best post ever. So so very true. But also amazing. Because at our gym, despite knowing we are part of a cult, we identify as a family…and that’s the best.

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