We’ve all played the game Marry, Fuck, Kill. If you haven’t, I’m not really sure what you did with all your free time in college, but clearly it wasn’t put to good use like mine was.
As much as this game seems silly, it’s application to real life is actually pretty useful. If only I had chosen kill instead of marry in my last relationship, I might be in a completely different place in life right now, HA…actually I would probably be in jail, so it’s best case scenario I guess.
However, I’m not talking about applying this game to relationships, I’m talking about applying it to life.
What if we could marry, fuck, and kill particular habits and behaviours in our life, what would that look like?
When we make the decision about who to marry, there are usually some qualities that make suitable candidates; they make us happy, laugh, smile, they are caring, loving and provide a sense of security. When we decide who to fuck, it’s probably just a fleeting physical attraction, someone that provides pleasure in the moment but that pleasure is short-lived and truly meaningless. And when we decide who to kill, it’s usually because that person is negative and provides no value to our life.
Well shit, that is pretty sound reasoning if you ask me! So, why don’t we apply this same sense of rational decision making to our habits and behaviours IRL.
If I could M,F & K some of my own habits and behaviours, these would be my top 3.
And just for the record, my other top 3 would be: Steph Curry, Kahn Porter, D.Trump.
MARRY – Confidence
Confidence is attractive and it’s a quality I’ve always wished I had more of. It’s a funny thing, the more we try to feel confident, the more insecurity and anxiety we often create. The more we can accept our faults, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin.
Confidence is not about external validation or people pleasing. It’s not about trying to fit into a box that wasn’t made for us or conform to a standard that doesn’t apply to us. It’s having the ability to see both our best qualities and our worst, our superpowers and our flaws, and own them without apology.
Confidence is the constant acknowledgment that we absolutely cannot control what anyone else thinks of us, so there’s really no reason to show up as anything other than our true, authentic, confident, motha fuckin’ self.
I’m still on the hunt for my own self-confidence because I hate myself 91% of the time, but just like real life, it probably takes more than just swiping right to find it.
FUCK – Other people’s opinions
This one really piggybacks on the aforementioned. I’ve written about this topic a lot, but it never really seems to go away completely. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t care what people thought of me. Most of us care about the opinions and judgements of others.
At the end of the day some people will like us, and others will hate us, but none of it is really about us at all, nor is it something we can control, so stop trying to control it. People are self-centred by nature, which is fine, but realize that the judgements you think other people are making about you are just reflections of your own insecurities.
No external forces can be held responsible for liking us. For loving us. For validating us. While it may seem tempting to relinquish this responsibility by handing it to others, when we do so, we also relinquish our power.
Self-love comes from validating ourselves by believing that we are bomb AF and worthy of love, connection, success, and belonging—completely independent of anyone else’s opinions or standards. Rather than waste our time worrying about what other people think of us, we need to choose to validate ourselves, be the damn author of our story, and write that shit accordingly.
“In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”
Trying to be a rebel aint easy, but it’s probably worth it—I’m hoping that practice makes perfect.
KILL – Comparison
Comparison. Steals. Joy.
This isn’t new news, you know how I feel about comparison, especially if you have been reading my blog for any length of time.
Comparison however is just part of life as a human on this earth. We compare prices when we shop, we compare products to one another, we compare opportunities, we compare ourselves, our bodies, our abilities, our work ethic…we compare everything. If comparison was an Olympic sport, I’m pretty sure i’d be a MF gold medalist.
I let comparing myself to others shake me pretty good some days. Simply seeing something on social media can turn me into a high level B without really even recognizing why.
So, how can we kill comparison? Mindfulness and self-awareness.
Mindfulness is the key to self-awareness. Mindfulness is “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally”. By practicing mindfulness we can become more present with ourselves and understand why we are feeling and behaving a certain way. It is about paying attention to our inner state as feelings arise.
Acknowledge your feelings, be mindful of your behavior and be self aware, call yourself on your own bullshit and take ownership or your reactions! There is no reason to let comparison turn you into a raging biznatch. Kill it with kindness, go easy on yourself and get back to being a Queeeeeen…or King!
There you have it, a little game of Marry, Fuck, Kill turned on its head with some real life application. What habits would you M,F,K? I want to hear!!!